Parents constantly grapple with critical questions: What’s the right age for kids to watch certain movies, get a phone, or choose their own books? What ought to be our guide? Can we just go by our society‘s guide: PG-13 when they turn 13?

Since starting as the executive director for Broken Strength in 2023, I’ve learned that there are certain things about which we can be fastidious without becoming stressed-out, overbearing, helicopter parents. First, we need to be attuned to our opponents’ tactics.

• Social media platforms have a main goal, which does not include the welfare of your child. All major outlets (which are the ones that “everyone” is on, so they’ll always be the draw) are only interested in more money, which means they need to get you and me and our children hooked and keep us coming back for more. The earlier they can hook a person, the better it is for them. They know this, promote it within their organization, and do it well!
• Accidental exposure to pornography is how most children are exposed. They aren’t looking for it, yet it is looking for them. The Supreme Court, this past October, upheld a 2023 Texas law requiring age verification for any website or app that has at least ⅓ sexual content.¹ Why did it take so long? Why was this law even fought? First, IOS and Android app-designers finally admitted that they actually DO have the technology to verify age. Second, age verification does not serve their best interest, the aforementioned goal of getting ahold of our children’s minds early and often.
• God created our minds to do powerful and creative things, to come up with ingenious solutions, and to keep developing well past our 18th birthdays. Research confirms that “Childhood pornography exposure interrupts important years of cognitive child development with outcomes ranging from lower self-esteem and problem sexual behaviors in early childhood to depression and sexually risky behaviors in young adulthood.”² Porn disables us and distracts us from our potential.
• Next to our first 1000 days alive, ages 11-15 are the most vital time of brain development³ (see some great research form the National Institute of Mental Health). In fact, the American Academy of Pediactrics in a recent article reminds us that anyone who shows pornography to a minor has committed a crime.⁴  Indeed, these overly-exposed young brains need some “overprotection!”

To be clear, watching pornography is never healthy or beneficial for anybody at any age at any time. Part of being in this world, though, means that we must be prepared for the enemy’s ongoing attempts to derail our faith. His main weapon is twisting the beautiful gift of sex into the selfish act of violence that it has become (see an extensive study used by the North Dakota Legislature⁵ proving that there is an unavoidable link between sexual violence and porn use). Your child will see pornography or some illicit image at some point, but we have many tools and teachings at our disposal to repel that and keep them thinking rightly about it. I’ll leave you with three overarching keys to help you be “over protective” when it comes to your child’s sexual integrity.

• Talk early and carefully about pornography. Many say that the right age is as soon as a child has access to a screen, monitored or not. Resources like Pure Desire, Defend Young Minds, and Protect Young Eyes say that there are ways to address it starting at 3 or 4 years old. If kids can approach their first exposure with accurate disdain and confident direction rather than surprise and curiosity, you’ve helped them win a major battle.
• Never punish for watching pornography. Even if you’ve found out that they’ve been seeking it out (see this great article from Connected Families)⁶, they have been accosted with this material, taken advantage of, and need compassion, a safe place, and help in working through temptation.
• Do all you can to keep them from social media and unmonitored TV/movie viewing until after 16 (at least). It’s becoming more and more acceptable for teens NOT to have smart phones or have very limited access to apps and media. There are dumb phones, good house rules (that parent and child can both adhere to), and filtering/monitoring software that can literally keep evil at bay. The NCD has a great Purity QuickGuide that has proven resources for you and your church.

We are here for you and your whole church, even more now!  Broken Strength has added a Women’s Ministry Coordinator, so let us know how we can help your men, your women, your youth, or your children (or you as a pastor).

Paul Klassen

Executive Director, Broken Strength

¹https://calawyers.org/privacy-law/supreme-court-upholds-texas-age-verification-law-in-major-free-speech-decision/

²https://www.defendyoungminds.com/post/defining-pornography-clearly-how-parents-can-better-protect-kids

³ https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-teen-brain-7-things-to-know

⁴https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/media-and-children/center-of-excellence-on-social-media-and-youth-mental-health/qa-portal/qa-portal-library/qa-portal-library-questions/teens-and-pornography/?srsltid=AfmBOopGs98MBR3cbs5rbxp3caUwpnCBaE7e08DKaUAELqIVmFEIe0a2

⁵https://ndlegis.gov/assembly/69-2025/testimony/HEDU-4017-20250324-43651-F-MORTON_DESIREE.pdf

⁶https://connectedfamilies.org/catch-child-looking-porn/