by Paul Klassen, Executive Director, Broken Strength

Talking about sex always seems to come with challenges. Sometimes we set aside time, make sure we’re completely prepared for any and all questions, and pray like our lives depend on it. And that’s just the start: We then need to actually open our mouths and say the words! In my experience, though, the greatest impact has often happened at the least expected times because God had prepared my mindset for saying and doing the right thing at the right time. I’ll use three real examples to illustrate three ways we can be prepared to open those windows when they appear. 

1) Plan on a lot of down time together.

Though all of these illustrations are from a father-son perspective, they can apply to church relationships, mother-daughter, and grandparent interactions as well. A dad knew that it was about that time for “the talk” to happen. Then, one day, he and his son happened to be working on the family dinner, alone in the house, standing around the kitchen island. Before they knew it, they were talking frankly about how babies come to be. It’s kind of like “windshield time” where two men can talk about sensitive topics without having to look each other in the eyes. The setting made the topic less awkward and also communicated, intended or not, that sex is normal and good, not wrong or off-limits.

2) Practice a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit “for such a time as this.”

One church I’m working with had two instances in the local community of respected leaders falling morally. These don’t have to be just times to complain about “how often we hear about this.” Rather, as a follower of Jesus, do what this church did – have a focused event by gathering a team of concerned individuals, bringing in Broken Strength, and talking in a safe, Christ-centered place. They didn’t have to mention those instances; they just needed to take a step: They chose to start! In another instance, a husband and wife were praying together before lying their heads on their pillows. The wife had a “feeling” that the husband should check on their son. When he went into his room, he found his son looking at a video on his phone that was clearly inappropriate. They were ready because they were listening to God, not necessarily hovering and prohibiting everything (though no phones in bedrooms is a pretty solid house rule . . . for everybody in the house!).

3) Prepare your mind for illustrations galore.

This is a personal example. Years ago, I arranged a special day with my (now 25-year old) son to take in a Twins game, have a fun dinner and stay in a hotel. I planned to have him build a puzzle but with a twist: there would be no picture to look at. Brilliant! Bound to make an impact. I mean, how memorable would it be to make the connection that we need God’s master plan and design in front of us in order to have the healthiest view of sex and sexuality!  Recently, I asked him about this and, well, he didn’t remember it! What he did remember was something else from that day. We had been walking by the stadium when I saw an image that I didn’t want him to see. In my maneuvering to avoid it, I almost made him trip and fall. Neither of us are sure what I actually said but he remembers thinking, “Wow! It is really important for me not to see that!” The words that came out of my mouth were more spontaneous than planned. Though it wasn’t the planned activity, the weight of the matter stuck with him.  

Are you building in plenty of margin into your family life and church life for hard conversations to take place? Are you praying for these opportunities and talking about them as a couple or ministry team? Are you noticing everyday activities and sights and sounds that would sharpen your battle skills?

Need help addressing this? Maybe you, as a pastor or ministry leader, need a fellow church leader to talk to about your own struggle. I’m here, and Broken Strength is here!  Pklassen@apathtopurity.org, 320-905-9138, or email specifically to address personal struggle – free4Jesus222@gmail.com

Check out NCD’s Purity QuickGuide for additional resources.