I once heard counseling defined as having wise, candid, fruitful conversations about things that really matter. Isn’t that good? Tends to set you at ease, doesn’t it? Truth be told, as pastors and church leaders, many of us have experienced the task of counseling as the reverse of easy. Give us a passage from Phillippians, a stack of commentaries, bottomless coffee, and a few days to prayerfully develop an expository sermon for the flock, and sure…we’re in the driver’s seat. Many of us have our sea legs as it relates to proceeding from the ancient text to our contemporary context.
But what about when that well-worn pathway needs to head in the other direction? How do we proceed when we don’t have the luxury of beginning in the 1st century with Paul, but instead in the 21st century with people in the midst of suffering and sin? How do we shift gears from the public ministry of the Word to the personal ministry of the Word? While we can be grateful in God’s providence that the care and cure of souls is an undertaking that we engage in alongside others (family, friends, recovery groups, professional therapists, etc), there is a time-honored and Scripture-sanctioned place in the church for these wise, candid, fruitful conversations about things that really matter. What’s more, the Bible furnishes us with keys to help us along the way. Let’s call these Five Keys to Gospel-Saturated Soul Care. How, then, should we care for others?
1st: Seek to understand them.
Listening is in short supply these days. In the midst of an exceedingly chatty culture, we can surprise and bless others by offering our ears to them. As my friend, Lee Eclov, says: “Wisdom doesn’t have the blurts, wisdom listens with questions.” So let’s intentionally seek to create an environment where we purposefully yield the floor to those to whom we’re ministering. The Bible holds out some of its choicest promises to us as we are willing to be quick to hear and slow to speak (Proverbs 13:3; 17:28; 21:23; Psalm 141:3; Ecclesiastes 5:2; 9:17; Matthew 12:36; James 1:19; 3:1-11). If the eternally begotten Son of God was known for asking probing and possibility-creating questions of others (Matthew 16:15; 20:21; John 11:16; 21:16), we are wise to expand our capacities in this territory as well.
2nd: Labor to appreciate them.
When people come to you for help, they (and we) can be tempted to reduce them to the size of their problem. Over time, people can begin to take on their suffering or sin as their primary identity. One of the goals in these conversations is to help the other person to restore a sense of proportion to their lives. We may indeed find ourselves counseling someone who’s depressed or anxious or addicted or angry, but we are unwise to allow these realities to come to define them. Consider the medicine of Philippians 4:8 in this case: “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things”. There’s much on which to reflect and honor in the lives of other image-bearers. As John Kilner says, they are made for connection with God as a reflection of God. Think about these things.
3rd: Come to sympathize with them.
Sympathy or compassion (literally, to “suffer with”) must be basic to the core character of any Christian, especially for those of us who lead. The Bible is replete with both descriptions of compassion (Genesis 43:30; 2 Kings 13:23; Psalm 103:13; Hebrews 10:34; James 5:11) as well as prescriptions for it (Luke 10:37; Colossians 3:12; Jude 22-23). One counselor describes this as ‘crawling inside the casket’ with another person. But don’t let it frighten you. Compassion is simply what wells up in the heart of any healthy Christ-follower when we look into the eyes of those who find themselves stuck or immobilized by some sort of suffering or sin. This instinct of our Lord’s set him apart as a soul physician and it ought to set us apart as physicians of the soul as well (Matthew 9:36).
4th: Confess that you’re a lot like them.
When it comes right down to it, there’s less than a hairsbreadth difference between us and any person that we may seek to counsel. This is not only true, it’s also a supreme step of love that we can take toward others dwelling east of Eden. It takes one to know one, in other words. No temptation has overtaken them such as is not common to us (1 Corinthians 10:13). David Powlison noted that this verse indicates that our sufferings and sins are not different in kind, only perhaps in degree. This creates camaraderie with others, and sets the table for a caring relationship.
5th: Counsel Christ to them.
One of the most freeing realizations for us as believers is that at the end of the day, we don’t counsel a theory…we counsel a Person. The living Christ is the truth (John 14:6), brim-full of love (Mark 10:21), and in him are hidden all the treasures of wisdom (Colossians 2:3). So let’s not settle for counseling anything less than Christ himself. When it comes time to open our mouths and offer counsel, let’s aim to prayerfully speak the truth with love in wisdom. Even when you’re not sure exactly what to say, when you’re carrying the other four keys with you, you can trust the Spirit to provide this key with a well-timed word when you need it (Proverbs 25:11; Matthew 10:19).
Just as we can develop the right kind of confidence in preaching and teaching, so we can (by God’s grace) cultivate an aptitude for wise, candid, fruitful conversations about things that really matter. Gregory the Great referred to the care and cure of souls as the ‘art of arts’, and so it is. As followers of Christ, let’s trust him to increasingly create in us a relentless concern for as well as a growing competency in our personal ministry of the Word to others. After all, we serve a Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6).
Dave Abernethy
Director for Credentialing & Pastoral Counseling